“Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can shoose which one to surf.”

I haven’t written in a few days because I went out of town. Life is pretty busy right now but never an excuse not to share my favorite quotes. This quote is truer now more than ever I think. I have a lot of different emotions and feelings going on across all areas of my life but I need to choose which ones to surf, which ones are real and which ones will help to make me the happiest, the healthiest and the closest to reaching my goals 🙂 It’s one of those times when I have to feel with my soul and leave my mind and heart to do their job once I have decides which wave is the right one to take.

“I let it go. It’s like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home.” 
― Joanne Harris, Five Quarters of the Orange

This quote reminds me of an article I read yesterday,  “Your Feelings Matter” by Mike Robins. I have pasted part of it below. The rest can be found here. In order to let something go that is no longer healthy, making you happy and that exhausts you, you have to honor your own feelings. I was just faced with this in my own life this past week. It’s not easy to hand over control to the “river,” but there are times it is necessary. Mike Robins shares how to honor your feelings below. By following these 5 steps, I was able to ‘let it go’ and go with the natural current of my heart and my soul. Ironically, it’s bringing me home today!

“Here are a few things you can do to enhance your capacity to honor your own feelings:

1. Be Real About How You Truly Feel — The first step of any process is always about being real, first and foremost with ourselves.  Even if we feel unclear or uncomfortable with a specific situation or certain set of emotions or desires, the more willing we are to be real about what we truly feel and want, the more ability we’ll have to honor ourselves and be authentic with others.  Making it a practice of getting in touch with our true feelings is essential.  A great way to do this is through journaling. It’s not about justifying how we feel to anyone else, it’s about being honest with ourselves.

2. Stop Judging Yourself — One of the biggest things that can get in our way in life, in general and specifically when it comes to feeling our feelings and expressing our desires, is self-judgment.  We think to ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “If I share this, they will think I’m a terrible person.”  We use these self-critical thoughts to suppress our true feelings, which can have significantly negative consequences on us and others. What if we just allowed ourselves to be real and to honor what’s true for us in the moment, without judging it?

3. Give Yourself Permission to Feel — Because of our self-judgment, we sometimes don’t give ourselves permission to feel… especially certain emotions.  As human beings we tend to have a hierarchy of emotions — liking the “good” ones (love, joy, gratitude, peace, etc.) and not liking the “bad” ones (anger, fear, hurt, powerlessness, etc.).  However, at the deepest level, all human emotions have value and can benefit us if we’re willing to feel them in an authentic and healthy way.  Giving ourselves permission to feel what we’re feeling is critical to our ability to honor and move through our emotions in a way that serves us, our relationships, and our life.

 4. Let Go of Your “Story” — Many of us, myself included, are attached to our “story.”  We love all of the drama and all of the details that make up the relationships, situations, and circumstances in our lives (both past and present).  While our life story, as well as the details of specific relationships and circumstances in our lives, is important at some level, too often we get caught in the story and all the drama, which actually takes us out of our emotional experience.  Where we have real power is in feeling our feelings, not talking about them, rationalizing them, or explaining them — but in simply feeling them.  Human emotions are not sustainable — especially if they are authentically felt. It only takes about a minute or two to genuinely feel and move through an emotion.  However, when we attach an emotion to a story, we don’t allow ourselves to truly feel it and thus can keep it stuck in place.

 5. Get Emotional Support — As important as our emotions are to our lives, our wellbeing, and our relationships, sadly we don’t get a lot of emotional training in life (through school, at work, and in general), and we don’t often have built-in, healthy emotional support mechanisms in our daily lives.  We live in a world that is primarily focused on action, results, and appearances — none of which has anything to do with our emotional experience (even though our emotional experience is not only one of the most important aspects of our lives, but is what drives much of what we do and produce in life).  There are, however, many ways we can find or enhance our emotional support.  Most of us have certain emotional support structures in our lives that we’ve set up for ourselves, consciously or unconsciously.  The key is for us to utilize these in a consistent and authentic way, as well as to make sure they are empowering us to honor ourselves and our emotional experiences in life.”

“I Believe… That just because two people argue, It doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, It doesn’t mean they do love each other. I Believe… That we don’t have to change friends if We understand that friends change. I Believe…. That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I Believe… That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I Believe…. That you can do something in an instant That will give you heartache for life.. I Believe… That it’s taking me a long time To become the person I want to be. I Believe… That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.. I Believe… That you can keep going long after you think you can’t. I Believe… That we are responsible for what We do, no matter how we feel. I Believe…. That either you control your attitude or it controls you. I Believe… That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.  I Believe… That money is a lousy way of keeping score. I Believe… That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time. I Believe… That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.. I Believe… That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, But that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. I Believe… That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had And what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated. I Believe… That it isn’t always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself. I Believe… That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief. I Believe… That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, But, we are responsible for who we become. I Believe… That you shouldn’t be so eager to find Out a secret. It could change your life Forever. I Believe… Two people can look at the exact same Thing and see something totally different. I Believe… That your life can be changed in a matter of Hours by people who don’t even know you. I Believe…. That even when you think you have no more to give, when A friend cries out to you – you will find the strength to help. I Believe… That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I Believe… That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. I Believe…”

“Often the people around you – particularly those who know you well – can see things you can’t. I think this makes it particularly worthwhile to seek their views, and to listen and learn from them. Nobody can tell you how you feel, of course, nor can they tell you how you SHOULD feel. They may, however, be able to see things that you can’t…Therapists do this professionally. Really good friends do it for each other.” – Jon, Moodscope.com

I like to run my life and life situations by my friends on a daily basis. I’m impulsive and I know it and reaching out for input from those that know me best helps me to come to the most thought out and rational decisions. My friends are the best, none of them tell me how I SHOULD feel, they just help me see things from a different perspective. Their viewpoints usually come from a place of total emotional detachment from the situation and this is ALWAYS what I need. I need a friend that knows me so well on a normal day that they can help me to make sane decisions on emotional ones. If not, I will make decisions in the moment that I could possibly regret and look back on later wondering, “Why didn’t you just take time to breathe and calm down before making that decision?”

So, to ALL of you, and you ALL know who you are, THANK YOU for being my sounding boards, for listening to me when I’m a basket case and for helping me to see things from a different angle, a different place, through the eyes of the sane ME when I’m not capable.

A little diddy for you linked below from Paul and Ringo 😉

“Our environment, the world in which we live and work, is a mirror of our attitudes and expectations.” — Earl Nightingale

What You Expect From Other People Is Most Often What You’ll Get

by Dennis Merritt Jones

Once upon a time, a traveler from a far and distant town approached a wise man that was just leaving the city into which the traveler was entering. The traveler stopped the wise man and said, “Can you tell me about the city from whence you have just come? What is the quality and character of the citizens here?” The wise man replied, “First stranger, tell me: What were the people like in the last town you visited?” The traveler replied, “Oh, they were a cold bunch of people with no kind words for anyone. It was not a happy town; they were very judgmental and the people were mean-spirited and unwelcoming. I couldn’t get out of that town fast enough.” The wise man paused and then replied, “Ahhh… I believe you will discover that the citizens of this town are exactly the same.” A short distance further down the road, the wise man encountered another distant traveler entering the city. And likewise, the traveler asked the same question of the wise man, saying, “What is the quality and character of the citizens of this city, sir?” Again, the wise man replied, “First stranger, tell me: What were the people like in the last town you visited?” The traveler replied, “Oh, they were an amazing group of people! They were outgoing and friendly and welcomed me with open arms. They were unconditionally loving and I felt like each one was my brother or sister… Oh, I miss them greatly.” The wise man paused and then replied, “Ahhh… I believe you will discover that the citizens of this town are exactly the same.”

I am uncertain of the origin of this story, but it makes the point very well, doesn’t it? Life tends to respond to our outlook. It shapes itself to meet our expectations, which are birthed in our consciousness. In the words of author Jon Kabat-Zinn, “Wherever you go, there you are.” In other words, wherever you go on the journey called life, you project your attitude and expectations ahead of you, and life can only be a divine reflector of your consciousness, drawing to you the people, events, and circumstances that reflect what you expect to find when you get there. You might keep this in mind the next time you go to that party or business meeting with people you may feel less than loving toward, or the next time you speak with that ex-spouse or the next time you go into any other environment where, until now, you may have generally expected the worst from people rather than the best. The secret of the ages is to learn to have great expectations with a very low attachment to the outcome. If you can achieve this, you will discover what true inner peace means.

What I have discovered is that what I expect from others is generally what I get. People most often live up to or down to the level that I expect. Why? Because the energy that I radiate (broadcast) can only draw to me more of the same. On a very practical level, give some thought to this principle before you take off on a vacation, walk into the post office or the grocery store, and most certainly before you enter your home. What will you expect your experience to be? Because as any wise man (or woman) knows, you will find the people there to be exactly like you expect them to be. What will you expect of others? Start with yourself: What is the character and quality of the person who lives in your skin? Ahhh… as within, so without, yes?

As a mindfulness practice, consider the following:

• For the next 24 hours, pay particular attention to the altitude of your attitude wherever you go. As you enter a restaurant, pull into a gas station, walk into church, go into the office, and so on, mindfully consider what you are expecting before you arrive there.

• If you catch yourself expecting less than the best others have to offer, revisit your own intentions and make an adjustment in the altitude of your attitude. Choose to be the one who brings the light with you.

• Realize that you are broadcasting to the universe exactly the experience you expect to have and then remember the universe agrees with you.

Note: This writing is an excerpt from my book, The Art of Being ~ 101 Ways to Practice Purpose in Your Life. Used with permission of the publisher.

Article is Linked Below as well:

“Our essential nature is completely free. At the basic level of our being, we are “empty” of definable characteristics. We aren’t defined by our past, our present, or our thoughts and feelings about the future. We have the potential to experience anything.”

Self awareness is a wonderful thing but also one of the hardest things to acheive. This is so true, we have the potential to experience ANYTHING! We are not defined the past, present or future. I think a lot of the times I hold myself back thinking that I’m not able, or comfortable, or it’s not “my thing” because of “xyz” that I have or haven’t done before, it’s just “not me”. And then I have to remind myself that I DO have the potential to experience any and everything that I want 🙂 There is no rule book to my life, I create the rules, I label and finish each chapter.

Small moments like this of self awareness are GREAT and always makes me feel like I can exhale, if that makes sense. The only person holding me back is ME, and if I could just control Lauren that would be fantastic! My priest did tell me during confession in the 2nd grade that I had a self control problem…I guess some things never change, but I better start trying to change them. Ha, since I AM the one with that control 😉

When all is said and done, it doesn’t matter who others ‘think’ you are. Who do YOU think you are?

I really needed some insight into understanding, recognizing, accepting and celebrating differences these past few days. The following quotes have really helped to open eyes when I need it the most.

“When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.” – John Gray

“Our greatest strength as a human race is our ability to acknowledge our differences, our greatest weakness is our failure to embrace them.” – Judith Henderson

“I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort where we overlap.” – Ani DiFranco

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept and celebrate those differences.” – Audre Lorde

 “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
– Khalil Gibran

I love this quote as I do Khalil Gibran. I found the article “Suffering and the Soul” and have taken the paragraphs that really stuck with me and shared them below that go hand in hand with Gibran’s statement. I could never say it better than this if I tried. I have linked the FULL article to the title heading below 🙂 Enjoy!

Suffering and the Soul

by Dr Judith Rich

“To the ego, mistakes are failures. To the soul, there are no mistakes and there are no failures. There is only learning. The soul is here for the distinct purpose of unfolding its agenda in its earthly expression. Whatever is required for its evolution is grist for the mill and is taken on without consideration of the ego’s suffering that may result…

To paraphrase Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul, there is no fixing or curing required for the soul, only caring. We must learn to live with a conscious awareness of what our individual soul requires for its full expression. This will most certainly require that we learn how to live with pain, both emotional and physical, for when a soul loses its way, it is because we, the human host, have lost our way. Pain is the soul’s alarm system that we’re off track and that attention and care are required…

Seen through the filter of cultural conditioning and ego, suffering appears horrific. Seen through the eyes of the soul, pain and suffering are paths to deepening. Suffering can take us to our knees and strip us bare of all illusions. It is here that the ego is forced to give up denial and stand face-to-face with the driver of its destiny. It may be that only through a total surrender of ego, in which a person may appear to be completely broken or lost, that one can truly find one’s way to truth.

We cannot know the gifts suffering provides to the soul’s evolution. This is part of the mystery of the soul we must live with. Human nature abhors mystery. We want certainty and predictability. Cultivating the ability to live with uncertainty and learning to live in the mystery are ways of taking care of the soul for it thrives in the mists of uncertainty where all possibilities exist.

Sometimes the soul can only find release through suffering and ultimately, physical death. For the soul, physical death is not the end of its journey, but a passage to the next classroom. To the soul, there are no summer vacations. School is always in session.